Again

Some people believe they are being tested.  Some people believe they are being prepared.  Some people say it's bad karma.  Whatever it is, I hate it.  Trina has been gone almost 2 months.  And now cancer has struck, again.  It is Monique this time.  This spring I noticed she seemed to have lost a little weight.  I kind of figured she was getting that "old kitty" look.  She seemed just fine, though.  A few weeks ago, I thought she seemed to be breathing kind of fast.  I took her in and the vet thought it could be allergies, asthma or perhaps an infection.  She had recently lost another canine tooth, so an infection was relatively likely.  We did some bloodwork, which came back fine.  We tried a week of antibiotics, which did nothing.  So, yesterday I decided to have a chest x-ray done.  Just to see if maybe she had a huge hairball or something.  I never expected cancer.  But, there it was.  All over her chest.  Everyone is very nice and "understanding" but it isn't helping me any.  I am mad.  I am furious.  What the hell?  When will the death stop?  I can only handle so much and am waaay past the breaking point here.  Seriously done.  I thought God didn't give you more than you could handle?????  Perhaps He has me confused with someone else????  But, then He doesn't make mistakes, right?  I don't know.....those of you who pray.....start praying!  I am very lost here.  I am going to do my best to be a nurse to my buddy who has always been my nurse.  Today, as I was sobbing, she came and let me hold her, while she kissed my cheeks.  She has always taken care of me.  Now I guess it's my turn.  I will take very good care of her.  She's my buddy.  My girl.  Please pray for us!