Attachment

This past week Kevin took Joy to MN. Without me. They went without me once before. You remember the dreaded Shingles incident of this spring, right? Well, then I was too sick to care. And, perhaps, things were different then, too. When you are going thru the adoption process, there is a lot of talk about helping your child attach to you. You snuggle with them. You feed them. You play certain games with them. It's a process. It's a lot of work. Worth it. But hard work. And we, like every new adoptive parents, did all these things. In fact, Joy initiated a lot of them. She is amazing! But, the thing no one mentions is that you have to attach to your child, too. For some, like Kevin, he saw Joy's picture and he was smitten. Love at first sight. For me, it didn't come so easily. She was a cute kid. She cracked me up. But, she also messed up my house. She cried while I was sleeping. She didn't like me much at first. I wasn't so sure I really liked her, either. Hardly the wonderful mother/daughter image I had imagined. We fought. She is stubborn. So am I. And she thought she was the princess in this castle. Ummmmm.....wrong. I am the queen in my little kingdom. There was some tension, to say the least. There were days (no judgements please) I wanted things back the way they used to be. I could not figure out how some people love to be mommies. I hated it. I did. I wanted to go back to work and have friends. I hated staying home all day and playing. I was bored. And it was all Joy's fault. But, slowly, things shifted. We still had battles- she is two, after all. But, there were hugs, too. We had more good days than bad. I read on the faithful Rumor Queen, that others had gone thru this, too. I wasn't a horrible mom. There is a well known phrase in the adoptive world: "Fake it til you make it." It's true. I just went thru the motions until Joy and I attached. It took a very long time. But, I think maybe we have made it. As I helped Kevin load Joy into the truck on Wednesday, I tried to keep it together. I gave her kisses. I got her toys. I got her favorite blankie. I smiled. I waved. And then I went inside and cried my eyes out. Why? I have 3 days to myself and I am crying??? Yep. I did. I missed my baby. And, I think, she missed me, too. Today she came home and was she happy! I got so many hugs and kisses! She said, over and over, "I missed you, mom." I held her for quite awhile. She wasn't done hugging me. We made pizza together. I gave her a bath. She drew her first picture. And she wore new jammies and danced around the crib in them. She is very happy. I think she had a blast in MN. But, it's so good to be home. And.....I'm glad to have her home. I missed her. Attachment to new baby: CHECK!