Growing up

When did you grow up? Was it when you graduated highschool? College? Got the job you wanted? Had kids? I am thinking it's more of a gradual thing....at least for me. I always said I'd never grow up. I remember telling my Dad I wanted to stay with him forever and play with my Barbies. That was okay with him! Well, I didn't. I got older. I met Kevin. I got married and moved away from home. Joy came along. Sometimes I find myself doing something so "adult." Taking Joy to the Dr. or traveling across the world to bring her home. Adult stuff. I don't feel like an adult. I am still my Mom and Dad's little girl. Just not so little anymore. I see Joy growing up, too. Not too long after we came home, she was holding her baby and rocking her and singing. I thought, "How odd.....I must have taught her that." Some day, she will grow up and have babies and she will know what to do. I taught her. Adult.

On August 14th, my Dad died. He was 83 and not in the greatest of health. But, his leaving was still unexpected. Hard. Adult stuff, again. In the days after his death, we were so busy. A funeral to be planned, cleaning to be done, plans to be made and a little girl to be raised. I tried to keep things "normal" for Joy. But, you just can't really. She knows Grandpa went to Heaven with Jesus. She knows that's good. But, she also knows (and tells everyone) that Mommy misses Grandpa and cries. Truthfully, there have been tears. But, there is also a peacefulness. I think maybe I am more happy for him that he finally got where he was going. We all strive to go home, right? God is home, right? We are only here temporarily. So....that's good, right? I think it is. I do miss him, though. I miss pulling into the driveway and seeing him give me the look that said, "I'm doing something very important.....why are you disturbing me?" But, I know he was glad to see us. I miss the little treats he always had for the girls. Joy found them. They're all gone! Kevin told me yesterday that he doesn't think he's really gone at all. He's still at home....working on a project. We don't see him, but he hasn't really left. Maybe true. Maybe true. Whenever I start to cry, I remember every time I was upset and went to my Dad he'd pull out one of his infamous hankies, wipe my tears and tell me not to worry so much. Not to get so upset. It's not that important. Those who know my Dad, may find that funny. He got upset a lot. But, maybe he also understood his faults and wanted to help me be a little different. So, then I feel better. I know he didn't like to see me get upset. So, I take my breath (as I am always telling Joy to do) and keep going. Lessons for adulthood.

Parents teach you so many things. Sometimes you don't notice them. But, they are there.....waiting for you to use them. You put your own twist on them and pass them on to your kids. I have been thinking a lot about my Dad's lessons. There were many. Boxing.....he was always trying to teach us to box. As little girls, this really didn't catch on. But, I have to say....we both work out. To kickboxing. Coincidence? Hmmm.... There was also storytelling.....Dad loved to tell stories. Some really good ones and some we don't repeat. But, I find that I love to tell stories, too. I also learned how to drill holes, put in screws, fix a tight drawer, organize a closet, remove nails from wood so you can reuse it and haul good stuff from people's curbs. He'd be proud of my wood haul from this summer. No clue what I will do with it, but I thought of my Dad as I dragged each 2 x 4 across the street! You never know when you might need a good board! So....I have made another move towards adulthood. Not one I ever wanted to make, but, one that is inevitable. My Dad would say, "That's part of life." True, but.....